Wednesday, September 17th - I'm Back

Sorta...

I am back to work today, and even though I feel extremely better, I still sound like Selma and/or Patty (or both).  I hope this clears out soon, because I'm supposed to do some announcing a Halle Pino's Bayou Bash this weekend, which might be rather funny, come to think of it.

I've been firing on all cylinders this morning, which is actually pretty good because outside of configuring some laptops from home yesterday, I am dreadfully behind with things I needed to get done this week, which if things had gone as planned, would have had me taking Friday and Monday off to prep/recover from the festivities of the weekend.  I'm still planning on taking Friday off, but I'm not so sure Monday is going to happen, just out of guilt.  We'll see.

Also, WTF people, didn't you find the pictures I posted yesterday funny? :)  Gimme some comments!  The picture with the giant booze bottle on the roof of a smashed car is totally undoctered and taken from a digital picture of my TV.

Anyway, a funny thing happened today that I would like to share.  We have a transitional housing part to our shelter, which means someone could live there up to two years.  We give them a bit more leeway, since they are unlikely to just skip out, and they actually pay rent and stuff.  Anyway, they have a computer in their area, and since I really don't have time to monitor it, I gave it to them as is with the caveat if they do something bad to it, that's it.  Well, lately they've been breaking the rules by browsing dating sites and chatting on IM.  So, I installed this software that allows us to completely monitor every site and every chat they have.  The first one that popped up was for a screen name along the lines of "lick_me_right_there" (not the exact name), and all of us just about dropped our teeth.  Lordy...who knew spying was so fun.

Wednesday, July 9th - 33: The Body Strikes Back

I've lived a reasonably healthy life up until now, and while I know I should be more vigilant about doctor's visits and things like that, I haven't had many health problems that warrant trips to the hospital. Well, actually, only one since 1987, as detailed here. All of this is pretty amazing when you take into consideration that along with my latent OCD, I also have a pretty good case of hypochondria.

The reason I bring this up is that after my recent trip to the ER and what happened in the early part of the Vegas trip, I am really beginning to think my body is finally putting it's foot down. After we landed in Vegas, I started to have some discomfort in what I will lovingly call the nether regions, and I'm not talking about "my religion" as Blanche would say. As I'm prone to do when it is inconvenient, I tried to ignore it, especially since this was the first day of the trip, and I figured it was just some sort of bodily issue that would work itself out. However, as the day wore on, the pain became more acute. It wasn't really a PAIN, but just more of a dull ache. On a restroom break, I decided to investigate, only to discover swelling and discoloration at the point my thigh meets my pelvis, which sent me into all sorts of hypochondriac convulsions. Was I dying? Was it some sort of weird airport STD? Was I dying? Has someone been slowly poisoning me like Napoleon?*

Thankfully, I had with me the tool that has fueled a new era of hypochondria - the Internet! After Googling a few symptoms, I discovered that I pretty much had a classic case of a hernia, with the only major concern being the fact that is almost 100% requires surgery. FUCK! Two trips to the hospital in one year? Seriously! The more surprising thing for me is that I figured if any organ would try to flee my body, it would most assuredly be my liver. Et tu, intestines?

So, 33: The Body Strikes Back is in full force, and I still have 5 months to go! The good news is that pretty much all of the symptoms have dissipated, and I feel comfortable that this is not an emergency situation, which is a good thing because I absolutely cannot take any more time off this month. I know it is bad to put deadlines before health, but I have too much work crap going on this month to deal with this. I'm just going to take it easy at the gym (re: sleep...a lot), and try not to make it worse.

Why have I become an old person so quickly? oy!


*Yes, I know the poisoning of Napoleon has been debunked, but I like the imagery.

Tuesday, June 17th - I'm Not Dead...well...mostly

This week has been a bust so far. I took yesterday off to recuperate from the weekend, and I promptly ended up with a very bad case of food poisoning, which resulted in a trip to the Emergency Room at 3:30am this morning.

For me to go to the hospital, it had to have been bad. I have only been in the hospital (for myself) once in my life, and that was for a giant splinter that I got in my foot back in 1987.

Everything was going well yesterday, I ate some lunch, took a nap, got up and checked some work email, took another nap, and then BAM...bloat, nausea, over all blahness. I tried to just let it go and hope that nature would take its course, but that wasn't going to happen. I drove myself down to Walgreens to get some drugs, and those didn't help. I tried to sleep it off, but it was one of those pains where I could find a position that would let me sleep for a little while, then I would move an inch and I would be a moaning, vomiting mess. (Trust me folks, I am not even give you a 10th of the gory details). I drove myself to CVS to get more drugs, and those didn't help, either. So, around 3:30am after taking a shower...yes, I wasn't going to go to the hospital in the state I was in (momma always said, never go anywhere without clean underwear), I drove myself to the nearest hospital and admitted myself into the ER.

Surprisingly, there was not a long wait. I suppose I have this idea of what an ER is from the tv show, but there wasn't a crazy amount of people waiting in various forms of death. I suppose if I had gone to Wishard (no politically correct way to say it: the hospital for the poor), I would have witnessed that, but luckily, Methodist is right around the corner from me. I was actually surprised I didn't see any of the residents from work there, because I am always processing taxi passes from women going to that particular ER.

Anyway, they admitted me into the ER and gave me my little dress. As soon as I sat down on the bed, I started to get this overwhelming feeling of nausea. I didn't see one of those barf buckets around, and I called out that I was feeling sick. Apparently no one heard me, because I stood up and grabbed the nearest sink. The next thing I knew, I was waking up on the floor, shaking. I have no idea how long I was out, but I crawled back into bed and just laid there. It was at this point that I started feeling better... It was very weird. They kept asking me what my pain level was on a scale of 1 to 10. I kept staying 8, and after the 10th time they asked me, I explained "For me, personally, it is actually a 10 on pain I have felt in my life, but I am telling you 8 because I'd like to think getting my foot cut off would hurt more than this." At least my sense of humor was still in tact. After that, I slept a lot and answered all the questions, and they gave me an EKG just to make sure there wasn't any heart issues. By 5:45, 15 minutes before my alarm clock normally goes off for the day, I was heading home.

I spent the rest of the day sleeping.

I will try to get the Circle City IN Pride wrap up done tomorrow, but since I have been out of work for almost a week, it might be a bit later.

Hope your week has been better than mine so far!

Sidebar: When a doctor is asking you how often you drink, no matter how much pain you're in or how honest you're feeling, you should never say "Well, I've been drinking a lot lately." Because then you have to explain that you're busy with a group that meets frequently in bars, not because you feel like you NEED to drink...lordy, I might have been in rehab!

Wednesday, May 28th - Chocolate Salty Balls

So last night was a pretty boring night at Karaoke. I don't know if it was a combination of everyone being worn out from the weekend and more May rain, but there were maybe 12 people there (for which we were 5 or 6) until about 11:30.

The weirdest/funniest/disturbing(est) thing that happened (outside of Mom making Blanche sing a KT Oslin song that should never be heard again) concerned the Rum, Bourbon, and Godiva Liqueur balls that I made for tailgating on Friday. Since I made quite a few of all three and we didn't end up even eating half of them on Friday, the balls made an appearance at both Xena's party on Saturday and the Trump's on Sunday, which was a good thing because I would have eaten all of them and become even more bloated that I already am from the weekend. So, anyway, one of the attendees from the Trump's party walked up to me and said that he "was still enjoying my balls," and thankfully, instead of throwing up on him, I drunkenly laughed it off.

And now...I'm going to go shower...

Eep!

Since I haven't done this in a while, here is a Daily Demotivator:

Portrait of a Sick FitnessNerd - 20 Hours Later

Well, I wouldn't say I am completely over the black plague yet, but I am certainly a lot better than I was 20 hours ago. Too bad, I won't be able to skip work tomorrow!

Here I am all showered, shaved, and ready to start another week as a Clinton partisan:

Notice the vintage Clinton/Gore shirt!

I never could have made it without the wonders of Mucinex, and the glowing, mystical eyes of my 18 year old feline nurse:


Also, just because, here are my Celebriducks, who sit quietly in my bathroom, even though they have to see me naked everyday:

Sunday, February 10th - Portrait of a Sick FitnessNerd

The cold that has been hitting me on and off for a few weeks, finally settled into my chest and made much of last week miserable for me. I finally broke down and got some Mucenex, which resulted in a flood of snot fleeing my body like Brittany Spears from the paparazzi.

I won't give you any more details, but it has been absolutely disgusting for me.

Here's a picture...the finger is for anyone who thinks I'm vain:


I really wish you could see the watery eyes...they're my pride and joy right now....

Oh, and before you think the Puffs Plus (look at the red nose) is simply an accessory for hilarity, it's actually quite functional, oh, I assure you...