Ch-Ch-Changes

I know it has become a bit of a tradition for me to post something after many months about how I am going to try harder to post more, and then I don't post any more.  Kind of funny.  Kind of sad.

Either way, as we dig into October of 2014 I find myself very much in a transitory pattern.  After eight years being involved in Indy Pride, with six of those years on the Board of Directors (two as Vice President and three as President), I have stepped away from the organization as of the middle of September.  While I certainly love the group and everything it stands for, I just felt it was the right time to go, even though I could have been President for one more year of a two year Board term.  I think you can just reach a point in time where you feel like your role is complete, and while it sometimes tugs a little when I am no longer planning the next meeting or involved in the decisions being made, I am comfortable with the fact that the organization is in good hands.

Of course, now I actually have free time to do stuff that I have put on hold for the past 6+ years.  One thing I have realized recently, that instead of growing outward into my role as community leader, when I didn't need to be "on," I was receding into my shell again.  I'm one of those weird outgoing introverts, and in the process of internalizing all of my angst, I just got to a point where I didn't want to really be social with anyone because talk always turned to Pride.  I used to laugh that my full name was "Nick Murphy, Pride Board President," because often that was how I was introduced.   Don't get me wrong, I liked the recognition, but the skeptic inside me often made the leap of wondering whether people were friends with me because of me or because of what I can do for them.  It is an interesting thing to think about, and the fact that because of my retreat most of my friendships suffered, I was left in that awkward situation of feeling alone in a crowded room.

I get that I am, by nature, and insular person.  Also, while I consider myself a good leader who is not afraid to make the tough decisions, when it comes to making personal decisions, I am not nearly as strong.  That is why, over the course of the next 7 months, I am going to focus on me.  I'm going to put myself out there, and I will try to repair relationships or finally put them out of their misery.   On the professional front, it is time to rekindle my love for politics.  There are major elections coming up, and instead of resting on my laurels, I need to get out there and elect Democrats to Mayor, Governor, and President.   I may be too old to make a career out of it, but it doesn't mean I cannot make a difference.

You're probably curious about the 7 month time-frame.  Well, I turn 40 in May.  It might be time for a structured midlife crisis!