As you've noticed, I have not mentioned politics once this week, and it is more out of respect for you, gentle reader, rather than me not having anything to say. I've also been venting with impunity at MyDD.com. So, at least I have another outlet in which to spew my invective, but I also thought it would be nice to not drill your head daily with reasons why Hillary Clinton is about solutions and Barack Obama is about promises. Next week, you better watch out, friends.
Since today is Valentine's Day or (S.A.D, Singles Awareness Day for Maestro), I thought I would talk about something that is filling the airwaves here in Indianapolis. Yes, you guessed it, mattresses that are filled with roach repellent and other chemicals. You thought I was going to say Tori Spelling reruns due to the just ended writers strike, right? Sadly, this has nothing to do with Tori other than the name of her dreadful movie that I co-opted for the title of this entry. BTW, there's actually an actor named Hrothgar Mathews, who was in that movie. Did his parents hate him, or did they just love Beowulf that much? I digress...
I knew something was afoot when the local crazy expose reporter on the doom and gloom NBC affiliate started teasing his stories for the month of February. Pretty much everyone knows that February, May, and November are Sweeps Months, whose ratings all television networks base their advertising rates upon. This is why you see the crazy investigative reporting in these months. In the past, we've seen good stuff like pharmacies who do not shred their trash, which was great because the reporter got to dumpster dive, but he also got the national chains to change their procedures. So, it was a great example of how the media can help AND win a Peabody Award, which they drilled into our heads on every commercial break. Anyway, I knew this month was going to be a chore when they started teasing a story on dirty ice at restaurants with the reporter taking water out of a toilet. Yes, it is gross, but apparently, 2008 is not starting out with a lot of good ideas.
Lately, they have been teasing "Sleeping with Danger," which basically talks about putting pesticides and other carcinogens in mattresses. I'm not saying it is not a valid investigation, but they are just relentless with their promotion. Plus, it doesn't help that the reporter sounds like he is right out of the Steven Colbert School of Journalism. It is all arched eyebrows and rising and falling voice inflections. It just makes it out to be silly. Then last night, I was watching the local CBS affiliate. Yes, I was watching Big Brother: Til Death Do Us Part. DO NOT JUDGE ME! Anyway, they TOO have a story on contaminated mattresses that they have been researching for 6 months. Both stories on both channels are premiering tonight! Coincidence? I think not!
How weird that the only thing I ever thought I had to fear from my bed was the threat of cat hair and the fact that I don't think expensive sheets are all that necessary? Who knew that my mattress was slowly killing me? I am glad that these two ace reporters decided it was worthy enough to report on in the month of February, not to mention the fact that they are putting undue fear on people. I am so grateful that our health is worthy of an arms race to prove that everything we have is going to kill us.
Thank you, real reporters of genius. We love you!
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