Wednesday, March 5th - American Idol Recap - The Guys (second post)

As promised, I am doing a puffery piece to offset my political wonkiness from the first post of the day.

First, a moment of AI Zen:

I'm filing this under "If strippers in Indy looked like this, I would go to that ugly troll farm, The Unicorn, more often."

Anyway, here are my thoughts, keeping in mind I fast forwarded through the performances if they bored me, and some of it was in Picture-in-a-Picture while I watched the election returns:

Top 3 - Davids-a-poppin!

1. David Cook - I never really thought I would say "Hello" by Lionel Richie rocks, but this rendition certainly did. Now, if he'd only get rid of his jank hair, he would actually be someone I could root for (yes, all about vocal ability, right?)
2. David Archuleta - Phil Collins...seriously? The sad thing about all this is the fact that he is 17, which means he wasn't even born in the 80s. Ugh. Anyway, yes, he sang it well, but he's just so damned earnest. Unlike Paula, who wants to pop off his head and hang him from her rearview mirror, I kinda want to kick him into a mud puddle so he gets dirty. I texted Blanche and said that his song choice was going to annoy me for the next 13 weeks, but since that would put him into the finals, I suppose he's getting my approval.
3. David Hernandez (pictured) - Obviously, I would be okay if he didn't sing and just sat in my living room for a few hours (or forever), but he actually is a pretty good singer. He has some tics when he sings that really need to be smacked out of him (pick me, pick me!), but I think he has a place in the Top 12. HOWEVER, I have this sick feeling that he might be a surprise ejection (ha!). He was good, but it wasn't exactly memorable (not to mention the Celine song was from 1996), and since Simon was so evil to some of the bad/cute/Sanjayas, they're going to get that annoying, little girl, sympathy vote.

The Meh-iddle

• Jason Castro - The boy is beautiful, despite the horrible dreadlocks. Though I have to think that if he lost the dreads, he would look pretty fem. I was pretty shocked when Michael Slezak on Entertainment Weekly said that this was one of those iconic Idol moments that will be talked about for years. It was pretty "meh" for me, which has everything to do with the fact that I think "Hallelujah" is a treacly, overused mess which will forever be associated with the two hours of my life that I will never get back from Shrek.
• Chikezie - I really have nothing against the guy, but his singing is just a bit overwrought. Plus, this is the third week of the contest, and he is already recycling the song he auditioned with?
• Michael Johns - Most of my friends are gaga over him, and while I love his speaking voice, his singing is just "okay." His rendition of "Don't You Forget About Me" from The Breakfast Club, was basically karaoke. He'll be around because he's older and cute, which will get the MILF vote.

My Bottom Two - (These are my opinion -- not necessarily a prediction)

1. Danny Noriega - He's so annoyingly gay, and frankly, he is more feminine than Kristy Lee Cook. I have no issue with fem guys, other than it irritates me that many of bigots in this world consider all gay men to be like that. He can sing pretty well, but his song choice leaves a lot to be desire. Add that to the finger snapping, neck cocking, BIG GAY ATTITUDE and I frankly want to send him off to live on a desert island with the big lesbian parrot from Project Runway (that would be Christian).
2. Luke Menard - Sorry, fellow Hoosier. You are quite hot until you attempt to speak or sing, but that is not enough for you to get through. Your song choice is ghastly, and I really question whether you have testicles considering some of the high notes. If I muted Danny, I would think he was a girl. If I shut my eyes, you sound like Dinah Shore without the chicken.

With all that being said, I'm not sure either of these two will get voted off. Danny has the girl vote, Luke has the sympathy for the maligned vote. So, it really could be a toss up. Luke could obviously be the Haley Scarnato of this season....if only he took off more clothes WITH David Hernandez, it would be a happy season for me. If David H gets voted off, I'm going to be severely annoyed, but I suppose I will survive. Maybe he'll go on a stripping tour....

I'll talk about the ladies tomorrow...