Obligatory Post About Aging - Or How Madonna Taught Me To Act My Age

I am in an transitional year right now.  While I have never really been fearful over the aging process, the milestone birthdays themselves are enough to put one in a reflective mood.  I turn 40 in May, and I have to say I more angst filled over the thought of organizing a party for everyone else than I am about the actual number.

Aging is an interesting thing, especially as life expediencies get longer and longer.  The whole "40s are the new 30s," "50s are the new 40s" drivel is just a silly way of saying that people are enjoying life much higher up the scale than they did in the old days.  Because of advances in medical technology or even just general health consciousnesses, you are not destined for a nursing home (or worse) at 50.

Vintage '80s Madonna

For the heterosexual man, aging has always been a bit easier.  You never grow old.  You just become more distinguished, and if your penis stops working, you have a whole raft of prescriptions out there that can get willy working again.  I do not want to discount that for the heterosexual male, aging is just as tough on the body, mind, and spirit.  However, for the gay male and especially women, there seems to be an almost metaphysical pressure that goes along with the aging process.  You are supposed to "Act Your Age" and become a bulky-sweater clad grandma.

This has come into even great prominence for me as we are experiencing, what I am calling, a Madonnaissance.  As any good gay boy growing up in the 80's, Madonna was a force for me. I traded my sister a cassette of Air Supply (was a gift) for True Blue, and the rest was history.  I even named my cat Madonna, and she was with me from 1990-2011.  While I have always been a fan, her last two albums have left me pretty cold, and if I can be completely honest, Confessions on a Dancefloor, which was considered her return to form after the "failure" of American Life, was pretty robotic for me.  I enjoyed it, but it certainly was not my favorite.  I also posit that the lameness of the videos were proof of how Madonna felt about it, too.  Further, while it has its problems, American Life is probably the closest musically to the heart of Madonna we were ever going to get (though the new music might), and I truly believe the rejection of that album is why the last three albums have been so reactionary to popular trends and, for the most part, total fan service.  Hard Candy and MDNA were the first two albums of hers that I did not purchase outright.

However, something happened in the years after MDNA, and all of the sudden, Madonna gives a fuck again. She's engaging in social media more than ever before, and the nine songs that have been released from Rebel Heart are some of the best, most personal work she has put out in years.  The video for "Living for Love," is also her best video since, well, "Don't Tell Me."  There is a palpable joy in what she is doing.  It is infectious, and I think Rebel Heart will be her most popular album in a long time, and she may even have a number one single again for the first time since "Music" (2000).

Madonna at the Grammys 2015

Bringing all back to the "Act Your Age" idea that started all this, Madonna's performance on the Grammy's, which hewed very close to the video for "Living for Love," showed her dancing and singing (yes, she sang, but there was a heavy tracking vocal) like a diva half her age.  She was also wearing a pretty revealing ensemble, showing off her enviable body. Unfortunately, this is where people start to show their stripes. "I don't want to see her granny ass!" they said, or something of the like. Now, while I will admit that seeing her dancers is much more pleasurable to ME, I can say without equivocation that Madonna has an amazing body, and as the saying goes, if you've got it, flaunt it. There is deeply held misogyny and ageism in these comments, and even with my high level of support, when she sat on the stage and spread her legs, even I was a bit put off.  Why is that? Because we are taught from an early age what the role of women should be, and that aggressive women are, for lack of a better term, bitches or sluts.  We try to put women in a box, and this notion that a woman in her mid-50s is still able to feel and be a powerful sexual being, it challenges us at our very core.  Madonna will continue to be agent provocateur until the end, and I personally thank her for that.

So, what does this have to do with me?  Well, as I approach 40, I suppose aging is much more on my mind.  I am single and happy.  I rent and do not own (though I could).  My family is in a fairly good place, and I am actively working to strengthen friendships that languished a bit while I spent nearly 8 years involved with Pride here in Indianapolis.  However, I still feel a bit of the pull of midlife crisis.  I am not completely sure what a 40 year old should do or be.  There are these hidden rules about being a gay of certain age: you shouldn't be single, you shouldn't go out, you shouldn't wear this or that.  The gay Peter Pan Syndrome is a real thing, and the eternal pursuit of youth can be a strong pull.  I suppose aging for me as never been much of an issue because I have always been a pretty old soul.  Plus, I started going grey around 18, and while my hair slowly got shorter and shorter until I shaved it completely, I just embraced that as a fact of life and genetics.  I have never really given any thought at all to botox or the like.  I like being expressive, and much like I could not talk without moving my hands, I really do not think I could without moving my face either.  I guess this is just a way of saying that I am comfortable in my own skin, even if I am harder on myself than anyone else.

While I know I will not be flashing my crotch on television anytime soon, I do choose to make Madonna an example of what to do as we age.  She may take things too far occasionally, but at least, at the end of the day, she does not care what other people say about her, even if the initial sting does hurt.  Telling someone to "Act Your Age," really is not about them, it is about how their ability to be themselves makes you feel.  These tiny boxes we place people into and then look down upon them when they break out are constructs of a society that does not (or should not) exist.  I am going to live my life with no regrets. I am acting my age, and much like Madonna, I have earned it.