I Know, I Know, I Know..

So, I'm beginning to think that blogging has become the way I exhibit my menses because it only seems like once a month that I get the urge to share my flow of randomness onto the unsuspecting masses, which I'm sure by now means all two of you who check in to see if I've updated or not.

Either way, I've been trying to dig myself out of what can only really be described as personal doldrums.  I suppose if it were diagnosed it would probably be a depression, but I prefer to just consider it a low point that I am pushing through.  While I've certainly kept busy (probably too busy), I have just been fighting these feelings of "apartness" that really have sent me to new lows.  It's not been fun.

I've completely gotten tubby.   I weigh more than I've ever weighed in my entire life.  Granted, thanks to me getting in shape a few years ago, I wear the weight pretty well.  However, it became one of the mental weights that dragged me down further.  Whenever you reach a point of satisfaction, you always tell yourself, "I'm never going to let myself lose this.  I'm never going to (in this case) let myself get fat again."  Then as you stand there naked in the mirror, day after day, seeing yourself lose everything you fought so hard to get.  It just has a debilitating effect.

With all that being said, I am coming out of it.  Of course, this is happening just as we move into dark and twisty winter, which always makes me annoyed.  So, maybe it is just a short patch of sun for me.  However, I'm back in the gym (10 of the last 12 days), and even though it  has really only been 3 weeks back on the wagon, I'm already starting to see shifts in my girth, which are making me feel better about myself physically.

Mentally...well, it is a work in progress.  I'm still taking on too much, and I am still not liking my job all that much either.  Frankly, I think getting back to blogging will help with this.  No, I don't plan on this becoming "Confessions of  a Midwestern Whiner."  I just need an outlet.

Welcome back to me. :-)